as a parent it is your god damn fucking job to look after your children stop treating your children like they are burdens
you signed up to have a child, the child did not sign up to have you as a parent
keep this in mind. do not expect your children to immediately give you back all the things you give them. they are children. love them. cherish them. treat them well.
well done supernatural fandom, well done
Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!
|—||Ozymandias, by Percy Bysshe Shelley|
A Wells Fargo/Parker Bros. double barrel shotgun belonging to Wells Fargo Agent Mack Williams of Kansas City. Third quarter of the 19th century
I’m so glad they brought back bikes in Mario Kart 8
Me if I was a teacher and to my future children
"hate’s a strong word"
is my family real?
Claptrap and The Bitch
GLaDOS guest staring in Super Paper Mario’s enemy encyclopedia
Oh wow, thanks! Yeah, I really like history, and what better event to use as reference to frustration with the rich than the French Revolution?
This is so accurate. At school, we literally have children who will watch our facial expressions to see if them falling is as bad as they think it might be.
CORRECT CHILD INJURY PROCEDURE:
- do not react. at the most, maybe wince and go “ooooh”
- go over to the child to assess panic level and severity of injury
- if they’re like, dying, remain calm, but they’re probably not.
- look them in the eye and ask, “you okay?” they will nod. possibly all teary-eyed. then ask, “are we gonna need to cut it off?”
- the child is thrown off. if they giggle, you’re in the money. if they do not, put a bandaid on and do some sympathetic patting. they are probably a little teary. let the sad little bug sit out for a minute. they will quickly get bored.
- works every time
"sad little bug" is the cutest and most accurate term ive heard used to describe a child because sometimes bugs are kinda super cute sometimes bugs are really fucking annoying and sometimes bugs are downright TERRIFYING
Why was Oedipus against profanity?
Because he kisses his mother with that mouth.
I’m getting really tired of these motherfucking jokes.